We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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