[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
