What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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