there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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