Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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