capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize