god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
