You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
