Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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