I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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