u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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