I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
should my penis look like a turkey
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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