What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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