Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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