Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
