in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
