The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
now i know why i became what i already was.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize