if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
