I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
