I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
