My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Randomize
