I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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