Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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