New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize