I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
