She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
