I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
