It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
