Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
