Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
