im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
