On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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