:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
