..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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