The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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