You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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