His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
