If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
