...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
