My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
