she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
MIDGETS
????
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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