problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
