so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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