Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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