Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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