I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
