don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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