Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
