For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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