So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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