I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
