Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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