I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i drank out of a bidet.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
