Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize