I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
