What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
