I want to stick my p in your. b.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
