maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
