I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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