Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
