So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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