Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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