Please don't use social media to get back at me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
