There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
