i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
