I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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