Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
