Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
